A night with my wonderful girlfriends always help spark good conversations for my blogs, so as we gathered to share our weekly events, work, dates and activities for the weekend, we once again opened pandora’s box of the dating world. My girlfriends asked me how dating was working out for me, I chuckled a bit and said, I have raised my white flag, surrender to the dating Gods and chosen to put my energy into other areas of my life (like racing my mountain bike). But, with great discussions comes great blogs. And here we find another blog on dating.
Make it happen is my new motto for men and dating. A simple request one may think, but not as simple as I am learning.
After spending a Friday evening having dinner and drinks with some girlfriends, we shared and compared more of our dating stories. My last meeting with a guy was a bike ride, lunch and then drinks a few nights later, after that, nothing, but long text messages of which I hate! I don’t want to talk to you through text message but rather, in person or on the phone. The phone WTH is that one may ask? Well, this amazing device, where you can hear tones, and get this, voices, you actually can hear someone’s voice. But, back to dinner and drinks with my girlfriends. After listening to my single girlfriends, it was simple, what our requests were. MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Just like anything else in life, it is or is not, right? Let’s break this down, for my active (sports) people, you’re either riding a bike or not? You’re either racing or not? It’s not like "hey look at me, I’m kinda riding my bike". Running, you’re either running or not running, okay maybe a run/walk, but whatever you are doing, you’re doing it or not right? I guess in many ways one can argue the actual facts of this, but that is not my goal of this blog. My goal is, to make it happen. Damn straight, I don’t do things half-fast, I’m all in or nothing, baby I’m in.
As much as I have a strong drive for life and love, I get you can’t rush love, you have to let it happen, it will happen when you least expect it and so on. I think I’ve heard this more than I ever recited the pledge of the allegiance in school. When sharing our stories, the topic of texting came up. Why text a woman the night of and ask her what her plans are that evening? I mean come on yes, we are adventurous and spontaneous but, really? Seriously, if you want to hang out, go to dinner, bike ride, drinks, MAKE IT HAPPEN! The part of us waiting around for you is likely not going to happen, we are busy women, in a busy world, we have lives and believe me, I’m not sitting on the couch waiting for your call, more than likely I am making plans with friends or wait maybe with another guy that wants my attention, like my BIKE!
I asked a good guy friend of mine on Sunday his thoughts on the situation, he is also single, being doing the dating thing, so maybe his perspective is not dead on, but what I did find interesting is what he said about texting and remember this came from a guy. Texting is non-committal, passive is exactly what he said. YUP, I think he was right. It’s an passive-aggressive behavior and I have seen this way too much recently. Have men lost their spontaneity, their drive to be make it work? Let me tell you, relationships take work, regardless if that is professional or personal. If you want someone’s attention than tell them, show them, JUST DO SOMETHING! Yes, you risk the chance of rejection, I get it, I mean ,I really get it MEN. I have been rejected more this year, than I can count in my entire adult life, but, I never would have been given those fine moments and opportunities if I didn’t act upon it. Love is a risk for all, and without risk life is not worth living in my opinion. Life is feeling, being and enduring what may be painful, but was so worth the pain and risk.
Technology has become the great communicator for relationships this day. But, it’s a sad world that we live in when a person uses text messages to express their true feelings, desires and needs. As I recall, we are still living creatures that yearn for more than a cold device to keep us company in the evenings. Hell, if you don’t think so, look around, do you have a dog, cat, bird, snake or fish? If you answered yes, then I have made my point. If you don’t have an animal, I’m sure there is good reason for it. Regardless, if one wants to admit it to themselves, we all want love and we all want that moment of feeling needed and admired. We do this for our animals, I ask why we don’t do this for each other?
Where does this leave girls like my friends and myself? Well, If I leave it up to Google, I may find an answer, but then I’m not sure I have the time to read 3 million results on “making dating work” For me I have risen my white flag and surrender to the dating world. I’m going with the saying. “If you love something let it go free. If it doesn’t come back, you never had it. If it does come back, love it forever.”
I will entertain myself in other areas in my life, career, biking, friendships with family and friends, and maybe one day I’ll wake up pleasantly surprised. I
What I can say is I’m so happy to have lifted the weight of all this dating off of my shoulders, I can now look back and laugh, chuckle a bit, how silly it was for me to put all my attention into this area of my life. Such a freeing moment that I have experienced this last week, when I said okay, let it be and all is good. It’s like that moment of relief when you are on you bike racing and you know you are being chased, you look back and you see the other racers, so you keep pedaling as fast as you can, you take one more look back, hoping that no one is behind you and HOLY COW, you are free, you’re alone and its all you to the finish line!
This is my last blog on dating, I have a strong sense my life is going to turn much busier, all for the better and I’ll look back on this one day and read it, and smile.
A song of COURSE! It's Friday and we are dancing/riding/running! MUCH LOVE TO ALL MY READERS
I like affirmations, as they can be the first step to a desired goal. However I must admit I’m a little confused as to what this means for your dating life. Could it be that YOU are going to make it happen? From reading this blog twice, I’m left thinking that you want the guy part of the dating equation, to "make it happen." If that’s the case, by my definition,this wouldn't count as an affirmation as it seems more of a wish than of one taking action to obtain a desired outcome. I don’t know enough about you to even guess what your thoughts are about “rules” in dating. I know that in this day of equal rights for men and women, that many women still hold the view that the man should be the one that determines many things, to include when to communicate and when to see each other, though I am sure many men still believe it is the woman’s job to cook and clean when living together/married. Unless we are explicit in our rules/preferences, it is hard to hold someone to act a certain way because they just might not know.
ReplyDeleteRemember when pagers were a big deal? Doesn’t it seem like texting is the modern pager? Communication in that mode can be very convenient , which is good for short comments, but I can’t see it being useful for communicating any meaningful thoughts. No doubt it has many uses, but if a text conversation starts to get serious and one of the parties would prefer a phone conversation over a text conversation, why not just send a text asking “hey, how about a phone conversation.” If you want to talk instead of text, what’s wrong with making a transition to another mode of communication?
Finally, I just have to say I hate that saying about letting love go and if it is true it will come back to you. I like to think it just means you can’t force someone to feel a certain way. However I believe/wish/hope that someone in a relationship is clear in letting the other person know there are feelings for the other person. If those feelings aren’t there and the person is clear that they don’t see them ever developing, then you move on, perhaps retaining a friendship (though honestly, that usually just means you won’t say bad things about each other, not that you’ll ever go out for a drink/meal now and then as you would with most friends).
Ummm, is this considered a "comment" or something beyond what is intended for this space??
Much love to the author of this blog :)
Thank you for taking the time to write. The point of my blog, although admittedly, may have been tough to figure out? Was that if you say your going to do it, than DO IT!
DeleteAs far as my dating life, I am not worried about it anymore and that is such a great feeling to have. I know love will find it's way to me, but me stressing, trying to make it work, when maybe the universe has something else cooking is fine by me :) That really was my point and I do have hope! Sorry if I wasn't so clear in posting that.
Thank you, I really do enjoy hearing from others. LOVE IT!
AP